![](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/63f66a559b728b51b4ad41f3/c451d985-82c1-484c-8a30-4083099356c0/alexandraheartthrob.jpg)
CS Vocal Competition 2023
June 8th, 2023
“You’re here to learn. You’re here to have fun. That’s all you need to do.”
That was my catchphrase the weekend of the CS Vocal Competition. Nervous? Repeat. Breathe. Repeat. Calm down. Repeat. It kept me in line, made me focus on the experience rather than its outcome. I had never participated in any type of competition before this one, so I had no idea how things would shake out by the end of it. All I knew is that I wanted to practice singing in front of new groups of people in high stakes situations. And boy did I get what I wanted.
I signed up spur of the moment for this, only finding out about it a couple of weeks prior. I figured “why not, who knows what could happen.” I hadn’t been to a convention like this since Unified Auditions for Undergraduate BFA Programs in 2019. Part of me wished I knew that this existed when I was 18; it could’ve prepared me. Or given me another opportunity I never would’ve thought about previously. But every yes, no, or missed opportunity led me to where I am now with the knowledge and experience that led me to placing first within my division. That wouldn’t have happened any other way. So, in a way, I’m grateful I didn’t know about it until now.
How the experience worked was there were four rounds of auditions for adjudicators, who all whittled down contenders in each division from hundreds to the top 20, then 5, then three winners. Each time, adjudicators would give written feedback on your performance, including things that worked to things you could work on for future performances. This was helpful for me because I kept getting similar feedback from people, indicating to me that it was clear that I still had room for improvement, as we all do. I keep all those comments very near to my heart, as I know they were given from theirs.
It was so incredible to be recognized by my peers and industry professionals. I felt like I was among friends of friends I’ve yet to meet. They weren’t lying when they said that this was a community because after every performance, every scholarship announcement, every win among every division, people were cheering for those who were recognized. There wasn’t a single bad vibe in the room. And that was truly beautiful. I have never experienced something like that before. I feel enveloped by the love I’ve received from these people and I will never forget it.
To those who are interested in doing something outside of their comfort zone, I encourage you to take the plunge. You never know what it is that you’re going to gain from the experience, but if you go in wanting to learn more, to have fun, then that is what you’re going to do. Intention is everything. You never know who you will meet, the connections you will create, and the lessons you will learn just from taking the first step. Thank you to everyone who was a part of the convention and competition this year. I look forward to working with you in the future.
Scratching…
March 14th, 2023
I had the privilege of seeing the Opening Night performance of Fun Home at Berkeley Playhouse on March 25th. This show is moving, powerful, and communicates real truth about the queer experience in regards to knowing yourself from a young age. The aspect that made this piece stick out in particular was the set. There were multiple blank flats with drawings on them, seemingly random, but came together once the actors brought on the set pieces, thus creating a full picture. The roof and windows were flown in, looking as if they were straight from Beckdel’s drawings. But the world created onstage exploded into color from the pre-show announcement to the moment that the actors left the stage. It was captivating to see! The acting and music was stellar, with lively children and heartwarming queer love. I believe this is a show that many queer folks will see and find themselves in, and every member of the company held that together for the full 90 minutes.
Watching the show, I couldn’t help but be reminded of Twyla Tharp’s The Creative Habit. In chapter 6, Tharp explains her process of “Scratching,” meaning where you gain creative inspiration for future projects and how to consistently find inspiration within life. She explains that scratching can begin with anything and everything, from different pieces of art to what you see on your walks around the neighborhood; art can be found in anything. This is exactly what Allison does onstage when trying to remember her childhood for a comic about her life. She is looking at these items, remembering what it felt like to experience it in real time, and then translating that to her art. Tharp explains the benefits of this, but also forewarns to not scratch from the same place twice. To go down one avenue means that you can’t necessarily gain anything new from it. Allison begins to struggle with that toward the end of the piece as she grapples with the death of her father in her young adult life.
Reflection on A Year With Frog And Toad
January 31st, 2023
From October 28th to January 15th, I was a part of the company of A Year With Frog And Toad at Bay Area Children’s Theatre. This was my first professional acting experience and through undergoing it, I have learned a lot about myself and my creative process as a whole. I worked with industry professionals and cultivated relationships with different theatre companies in the Bay Area; all while serving the overarching mission of providing quality theatre for young people, ideally inspiring them to pursue their own endeavors and experience the magic of live theatre. And it ended up being exactly that: an experience. Throughout the run, we experienced upwards of 5 different variations of the cast due to illness and injury sustained by an extended run in the middle of cold/flu season. All but one cast member called out at some point during the run and we would often arrive at the theatre at call time and wonder “Which cast are we going to have today?” But after every curve ball thrown our way, I wouldn’t trade the group of artists I worked with for the world.
At the beginning of our rehearsal process, I decided I was going to put my best foot forward and make sure I prepare myself before an intense work session. I am an artist, after all, and they hired me to do a job. So, right before we would circle up to check in with one another, I would pop a Grether’s Pastille to maintain my vocal health. Some people would put on the kettle, but I would suck and chew on that small, but mighty, little gummy. It then became my own little ritual: set my things down, get out my iPad, change into my rehearsal shoes, have a Grethers, and time to focus. It wasn’t until I read Twyla Tharp’s The Creative Habit that I realized I had found my pencil! She explains that a pencil is something that you always have before working creatively; something that separates where normal life ends and creativity begins. Without it, the process would not be the same and you wouldn’t necessarily be on your A Game.
This was proven to me when I eventually ran out of Grethers and lost what got me into my headspace. The week of Christmas, since it was a holiday show, we had 10 shows in one week, which after the run we were having, was a little nerve wracking. And just before the start of that week, I had run out of my Grethers. Each show felt like I had a rock in my shoe; everything was alright, but something was kind of bothering me. I don’t think it took away from my performance, but it was noticeable for me and those are usually the worst things when you are an actor: you always know. It got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore and emergency ordered some because I knew that I could not finish the week without it. And the moment I had some, I felt more focused and aware, like I was slipping back into something I knew I could do. I felt assured and had some of my best performances that week. Moving forward, knowing what I know now, I will never run out of Grethers again. Not necessarily because of the benefits they provide, but because of the way it made me separate from Julien and step into the job as soon as it entered my mouth.